One of those days….

It started badly and did not get alot better.

In the morning were harsh words… anger. Husband saying some really unnecessary things to me.

He did not want to find out the gender, and I had some arrangements made for me to be able to get a scan done and find out. He was okay all week with finding out the gender, and then this morning, last minute as I was putting shoes on my one year old, he changed his mind. And was quite rude about it really.

Passive agressiveness drives me batty. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t say one thing and stick with it and then, after all is said and done, or at the last minute, make yourself the victim. All week he said it was fine and that sure, hed like to find out.. and then today, I was the selfish one, only thinking of me, everything I want all the time apparently. Never mind that I kept saying.. ‘Are you SURE you dont mind finding out?’ and gave MULTIPLE opportunity to share his true feelings.

No, instead it was the ninth hour.

I am selfish for deciding to find out the gender, but its not surprising to him, seeing as how it’s all about me. hmm…. I can’t honestly say I agree with that. Then when the tears came because I was disappointed… then he got mad at me for crying.

You know, its just strange. I have known him for 13 years. And for the most part he is the most wonderful person and my best friend. But moody! Oh my.

Granted, these are some tough times for us these days. He is working 12 hour shifts, and we are struggling… but still, being told today that being married to me makes him miserable really hurt.

Its the same argument all the time.. Ill ask if he thinks i should move the furniture like this, or should we have some company over on this day, or maybe we should go camping on this weekend.. and its all “yep, ok, sure” then the day comes and it’s “well it was YOUR idea, it has nothing to do with me. I’m not the one who wanted this”

Then this evening, the teenage children’s dad called.. he has been AWOL and is a few thousand dollars in the hole for support.  He is a journeyman plumber, has been for about a decade and a bit now, but quit his job and went on welfare… his reason? post traumatic stress syndrome from a car accident last year.. A few years ago he was apparently diagnosed as Bi-polar manic depressive… but now he says, he was never bi-polar, just post traumatic stress… I said to him “but the accident was a year ago, you’ve been on meds for years now… how can it just be from the accident?” well he got quite irate.. apparently post traumatic stress pays well when suing the driver of another vehicle in an accident. He doesn’t want to go to work, or they will garnish his wages… so much better to go on welfare, claim post traumatic stress and live on a mere pittance? So he informed me he will be serving me with papers, for now that he is on welfare, one can NOT of course expect him to pay the child support that the maintenance enforcement program wants…. and he will also be taking me to court for visitation of his teenage children. Not that he bothered to see them all summer even though my husband and I called him and asked if hed like us to bring them to him…. not that hes called them more than a handful of times in the past six months…. And court should come up right round the time that my last lil babe is due to enter the world….

Ok rant over.

Good things… Little D gives kisses and it is so sweet it melts my heart.

Hubby and I have been getting a real kick out of watching him do such ‘little boy’ things and not the ‘baby’ things anymore.

We will sit for an hour or two in the evening, on the floor in the living room, while little D boots around and chatters and makes funny faces and tries to communicate with us. It’s times like that that we feel so close d/h and I… it feels like we are watching as one person.. and loving as one person…

Ughhhh … it has been a rough day.

I am going to make a tea.. no sugar… it’s against the gestational diabetes protocol, lol…. and I am going to go to bed. I’m not even going to put little D’s toys away tonight… I’ll just lock the cats in the basement with the older teens, make sure the dog and cats have water for the night, unlplug my tea kettle that has a habit of going on by itself (Grandma.. is that you doing that?)

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